Dr. N was in a pre-med med-prep class at college. One day there was a class for the spouses. The wife of a prominent doctor in town - who also happened to be the president of our college - gave the lecture.
Her Dr. N (Who was actually Dr.C) was INTENSE. So much so, that on their wedding day he spent the morning getting married, the afternoon in an organic chemistry class, and the evening at their wedding reception. This woman had more patience than I knew existed.
Anyway, one of the pieces of advice she gave has stuck with me (I've forgotten all the rest).
She said, "Do everything you can on your own."
I didn't really understand at first, but she went on.
"Buy a ladder. Use rubber bands to open jars. Take out the trash. Do all you can around the house that you can, so that when something you can't do comes along, he can do it for you."
Our toilet broke the other day. First instinct: Dr. N will be able to fix this for sure.
Second instinct: Remember what Mrs. Dr. C said? Can I do this??
Turns out I could! All it took was a screw-driver and serious control for my gag reflexes. Since then I have changed 7 light bulbs, fixed the shower handle, and taken the trash out....twice.
I've also killed numerous spiders. Only while Dr.N is away though. That's still one of the things that is specifically HIS job when he's here. Maybe someday I'll be man enough....we'll see.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Emotional Deposits
Medical School = The Land of Many Loans
Not just financial loans either.
A few months ago when the words 'subsidized' and 'variable interest rates' were becoming all to common in our household I started to think about other things we are probably going to be short on.
Time together.
Attention.
Romance.
Vacations.
Money loans are scary, but at least they are somewhere to turn when you don't have enough of something, right?
SO: We decided to make a little (actually a BIG) deposit in the marriage bank. We quit our jobs early and have spent the last 6 weeks travelling around, visiting our families, relaxing, and enjoying each other. We have literally spent every second together.
It has been wonderful, and we have been able to build up a pretty fantastic reserve. We'll be running short by next summer, I'm sure, but no worries, by then we'll be able to make some more deposits.
Not just financial loans either.
A few months ago when the words 'subsidized' and 'variable interest rates' were becoming all to common in our household I started to think about other things we are probably going to be short on.
Time together.
Attention.
Romance.
Vacations.
Money loans are scary, but at least they are somewhere to turn when you don't have enough of something, right?
SO: We decided to make a little (actually a BIG) deposit in the marriage bank. We quit our jobs early and have spent the last 6 weeks travelling around, visiting our families, relaxing, and enjoying each other. We have literally spent every second together.
It has been wonderful, and we have been able to build up a pretty fantastic reserve. We'll be running short by next summer, I'm sure, but no worries, by then we'll be able to make some more deposits.
Monday, August 2, 2010
First Day
Lab coat: $25.00
Lap top computer: $1,400.00
New scrubs: $20.00
Tuition: $168,000.00 (and counting)
Learning how to save lives every single day: priceless
I've had 17 first-day-of-schools (I counted this morning during breakfast). Each one of them I've picked out an outfit the night before, woken up that morning super excited, waved goodbye to parents/siblings/roommates/husband and headed off.
This first-day-of-school was different. For the first time, I stayed home, the one being waved to.
It is a weird feeling, one that I suspect mothers feel when sending their children to school for the first time. Kind of like my heart is being squeezed, I have a lump in my throat, and I'm filled with all sorts of worries.
What if he gets lost looking for his classroom?
What if he can't keep up in school?
What if he doesn't LIKE this school?
What if he spills his lunch on his shirt and the other kids make fun of him?
(This is a legitimate concern - it happened to my brother in the 6th grade. It's a good thing we moved 8 months later because he was still being teased.)
(This is a legitimate concern - it happened to my brother in the 6th grade. It's a good thing we moved 8 months later because he was still being teased.)
What if he doesn't make friends?
and
What do I do now?
I didn't think I was going to cry, but as I stood in the driveway waving goodbye even after I couldn't see the car anymore, I choked up.
I don't really know what to expect from the next 4 years, but I do have a feeling that life will never be the same.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Who Gives the Best Advice?
So, today in my tennis class I was talking to my instructor about moving and medical school and all those things that seem to be the only topic of conversation these days.
I really do like it when people give us advice about med. school. It makes me feel more prepared and excited.
My tennis instructor's advice, however, was less than exciting.
He told me of an old roommate of his who went to medical school. While in school, he and his wife had to make a goal to stay married. Their philosophy: let's try our best to just stay married; we can't expect more.
His advice was actually very helpful. It got me thinking. I don't want to just 'stay married'. I want our marriage to be made stronger THROUGHOUT med. school, not AFTER it. Everyone says, "Our marriage is so much stronger because of what we went through." I want to be able to say "Our marriage has been getting stronger from day one, and during medical school it was no different. We didn't put anything on hold. We didn't just wait for it to end. We rocked it!"
I'm not naive. At least, not completely. I realize it's going to be mostly up to me to accomplish that goal. I realize that the give-and-take of our relationship will change drastically. But I DON'T want to look back in 8 years and say, "Phew, glad that's over! That was the WORST." after spending a quarter of my life wanting it to be over. Or be the person that gives the advice, "don't worry, it goes by fast," or especially, "just TRY to stay married - that's all you can expect."
No, I plan on kickin' it! I've yet to hear a med. wife say, "I just loved the time we were in med. school." Well, let's see if it can be done.
I really do like it when people give us advice about med. school. It makes me feel more prepared and excited.
My tennis instructor's advice, however, was less than exciting.
He told me of an old roommate of his who went to medical school. While in school, he and his wife had to make a goal to stay married. Their philosophy: let's try our best to just stay married; we can't expect more.
His advice was actually very helpful. It got me thinking. I don't want to just 'stay married'. I want our marriage to be made stronger THROUGHOUT med. school, not AFTER it. Everyone says, "Our marriage is so much stronger because of what we went through." I want to be able to say "Our marriage has been getting stronger from day one, and during medical school it was no different. We didn't put anything on hold. We didn't just wait for it to end. We rocked it!"
I'm not naive. At least, not completely. I realize it's going to be mostly up to me to accomplish that goal. I realize that the give-and-take of our relationship will change drastically. But I DON'T want to look back in 8 years and say, "Phew, glad that's over! That was the WORST." after spending a quarter of my life wanting it to be over. Or be the person that gives the advice, "don't worry, it goes by fast," or especially, "just TRY to stay married - that's all you can expect."
No, I plan on kickin' it! I've yet to hear a med. wife say, "I just loved the time we were in med. school." Well, let's see if it can be done.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Fear
There are a lot of emotions mixed up with a husband starting medical school. Excitement, relief, anticipation, pride... I think the one emotion that trumps all the others, though, for me, is fear.
What am I afraid of?
I'm afraid of lonely nights.
I'm afraid of missed vacations.
I'm afraid of eating dinner alone. Every night.
I'm afraid of him stressing out and shutting down.
I'm afraid of not fitting in with the other wives.
I'm afraid of other, silly things too.
Like Dr. N seeing hot ladies without clothes on during a physical. And his OB/GYN rotations. And I'm afraid of really sexy nurses that think my Dr. N is also really sexy (which he IS). And I'm afraid of Dr. N thinking I'm a sissy when I think I'm dying from a canker sore. (Right now he still thinks I'm a princess who should never have to suffer a paper cut.)
I'm afraid of lots of things.
But mostly I'm afraid of what they call, "The Physician Marriage". Where two people share a home but not a life. Where spouses go days without seeing each other, or interacting with each other. Where the homes are big, but patience is thin, and laughter is rare.
I'm mostly afraid of that.
What am I afraid of?
I'm afraid of lonely nights.
I'm afraid of missed vacations.
I'm afraid of eating dinner alone. Every night.
I'm afraid of him stressing out and shutting down.
I'm afraid of not fitting in with the other wives.
I'm afraid of other, silly things too.
Like Dr. N seeing hot ladies without clothes on during a physical. And his OB/GYN rotations. And I'm afraid of really sexy nurses that think my Dr. N is also really sexy (which he IS). And I'm afraid of Dr. N thinking I'm a sissy when I think I'm dying from a canker sore. (Right now he still thinks I'm a princess who should never have to suffer a paper cut.)
I'm afraid of lots of things.
But mostly I'm afraid of what they call, "The Physician Marriage". Where two people share a home but not a life. Where spouses go days without seeing each other, or interacting with each other. Where the homes are big, but patience is thin, and laughter is rare.
I'm mostly afraid of that.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Introduction to A New Life
Do blogs need an intro? I think so. A blog might as well be a book, each new post a new chapter. Although, sometimes if the introduction to a REAL book is too long I seriously consider skipping it. Prologues are different, right? Oh well, sometimes I skip them too.
Anyway, back to the introduction. I will call it 'Pre-Med Life'.
First of all, it should be known that 'pre-med' does NOT mean 'before med'. It means before med SCHOOL. Our pre-med life was very much full of 'med'.
Dr. N and I were married on December 26, 2008. On Jan 3, 2009 he started studying for the MCAT. Yes, we had an entire week where our marriage was med-free. Then, the lonely nights started. MCAT study was T/Th from 6 - 10 pm and Sat. from 8 am - 12 pm. Not to mention going to school for his undergrad. The MCAT was taken May 1, 2009. Stress free! Med-free! For one more week. Then it was on to the application process.
Oh, horrid application process.Shivers down my spine.
Resume, personal statements, letters of recommendations, essays, AMCAS, AACOMAS, TMDSAS, primaries, secondaries, writing, revising, the list goes on and on.
Probably the most work I'll have to do in the whole medical process, that's for sure!
Before that was finished the interview process started. August 31, 2009 was the first. And the favorite. And the most please-please-PLEASE-pick-me-ist. After that, more interviews, more applications. And more waiting. Painful, pressure-filled, unknown waiting. Until one day, it suddenly stopped.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009. Upstate NY. On the way to the mall for some last-minute Christmas shopping with my family. Sitting in the middle seat of the middle seat of the family SUV. An unrecognized phone number. "Answer it, Dr.N! It might be them!"
"Hello?"
"Hello. It is us. We would like to offer you immediate acceptance to our school. Are you still interested in attending?"
First shock. Then JOY! A Christmas miracle! (We hadn't been expecting to hear back until May.) Walking on clouds, on sunshine, on air! (Until Dr. N locks the keys in the car as the mall closes at 11:00 pm. Slight damper on the day. But only slight.)
10 more days of stress free! med-free! life. Then back to school, to finish up the pre-med classes. Last semester at current college!
Jan-April. School. Studying. Work. Giving them (med school) all of our money.
April 23. Sunny, happy, springy day. GRADUATION!
One week later. Loan applications start. "Please, may we have $75,000 to carry us over for the next 9 months? At least $300,000 over the next 4 years? Oh, yes, and we won't have a steady income for at least 8 years. Thank you!"
Next step: Moving day. June 16, 2010.
Anyway, back to the introduction. I will call it 'Pre-Med Life'.
First of all, it should be known that 'pre-med' does NOT mean 'before med'. It means before med SCHOOL. Our pre-med life was very much full of 'med'.
Dr. N and I were married on December 26, 2008. On Jan 3, 2009 he started studying for the MCAT. Yes, we had an entire week where our marriage was med-free. Then, the lonely nights started. MCAT study was T/Th from 6 - 10 pm and Sat. from 8 am - 12 pm. Not to mention going to school for his undergrad. The MCAT was taken May 1, 2009. Stress free! Med-free! For one more week. Then it was on to the application process.
Oh, horrid application process.Shivers down my spine.
Resume, personal statements, letters of recommendations, essays, AMCAS, AACOMAS, TMDSAS, primaries, secondaries, writing, revising, the list goes on and on.
Probably the most work I'll have to do in the whole medical process, that's for sure!
Before that was finished the interview process started. August 31, 2009 was the first. And the favorite. And the most please-please-PLEASE-pick-me-ist. After that, more interviews, more applications. And more waiting. Painful, pressure-filled, unknown waiting. Until one day, it suddenly stopped.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009. Upstate NY. On the way to the mall for some last-minute Christmas shopping with my family. Sitting in the middle seat of the middle seat of the family SUV. An unrecognized phone number. "Answer it, Dr.N! It might be them!"
"Hello?"
"Hello. It is us. We would like to offer you immediate acceptance to our school. Are you still interested in attending?"
First shock. Then JOY! A Christmas miracle! (We hadn't been expecting to hear back until May.) Walking on clouds, on sunshine, on air! (Until Dr. N locks the keys in the car as the mall closes at 11:00 pm. Slight damper on the day. But only slight.)
10 more days of stress free! med-free! life. Then back to school, to finish up the pre-med classes. Last semester at current college!
Jan-April. School. Studying. Work. Giving them (med school) all of our money.
April 23. Sunny, happy, springy day. GRADUATION!
One week later. Loan applications start. "Please, may we have $75,000 to carry us over for the next 9 months? At least $300,000 over the next 4 years? Oh, yes, and we won't have a steady income for at least 8 years. Thank you!"
Next step: Moving day. June 16, 2010.
- Step 1: Pack up life
- Step 2: Put in truck
- Step 3: Drive to a new home where you don't know anyone
- Step 4: Attempt to un-pack, but mostly focus on making new friends
Then, buying books, computer, lab clothes, lab fees, etc. etc.
AUGUST 2, 2010
First day of med school. Pre-med life ends. Med life begins.
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