Fear

There are a lot of emotions mixed up with a husband starting medical school. Excitement, relief, anticipation, pride... I think the one emotion that trumps all the others, though, for me, is fear.

What am I afraid of?

I'm afraid of lonely nights.
I'm afraid of missed vacations.
I'm afraid of eating dinner alone. Every night.
I'm afraid of him stressing out and shutting down.
I'm afraid of not fitting in with the other wives.

I'm afraid of other, silly things too.

Like Dr. N seeing hot ladies without clothes on during a physical. And his OB/GYN rotations. And I'm afraid of really sexy nurses that think my Dr. N is also really sexy (which he IS). And I'm afraid of Dr. N thinking I'm a sissy when I think I'm dying from a canker sore. (Right now he still thinks I'm a princess who should never have to suffer a paper cut.)

I'm afraid of lots of things.

But mostly I'm afraid of what they call, "The Physician Marriage". Where two people share a home but not a life. Where spouses go days without seeing each other, or interacting with each other. Where the homes are big, but patience is thin, and laughter is rare.

I'm mostly afraid of that.