Monday, November 22, 2010

Another Word on S.O.s

I was really trying to have a good attitude on not finding soulmate friend S.O.s.

Maybe this is a demonstration of my own social phobias, or a demonstration of what the world is turning out to be like, but I realized something after my last post: virtual soulmate friend S.O.s are just as great as real live ones.

Not that the S.O.s connected through the Internet aren't real and alive. But you know what I mean.

And so, in the spirit of Thanksgiving: I am so thankful I live in a time where I can communicate, commiserate, lift, and be lifted by people who are just like me, but who I won't ever get to meet; where friends can be made simply by sharing true feelings.

I've been trying for months to make friends here - putting myself out there, trying to be charming and likeable. But while reading the comments on my last post, I felt real friendship for the first time since moving here. And it was so easy! And so honest! And also a bit confusing. After all, it sort of defies every definition of 'friend' I've ever known.

Some of the medwife blogs I read and I feel like I know the author already. I get excited by new posts. It's like getting a telephone call from a friend who will tell you what she is really feeling, what is happening in her life, her ups and downs, her fears, her goals and ambitions -

Some bloggers feel like best friends. Others are like that one girl in the group who is a little awkward, but you listen to her anyway. Some feel like the cool girl, the one that probably wouldn't have talked to you in high school, but if she did you would have hung onto every word she said. Some feel like my mom, some feel like my sister. A few are the ones that I probably wouldn't get along with in real life, but I would pretend to for the sake of good manners and proper social protocol.

One big group of friends, connected by common interests, problems, feelings, and of course, the Internet.

This whole new blog-world is a little confusing, a little weird, and sometimes can be a little scary. It adds a whole new dimension to friendship, though, and I think it's definitely worth exploring.

Friday, November 12, 2010

A Word On SOs

During all of our med school interviews and tours we kept hearing about the SO (significant others) clubs. I was so excited for the many activities they talked about: decorating the studs' cars during class, eating lunch with them, lunches together with other SOs, etc. Mostly though I was excited about the camaraderie that was ensured with such a club. Surely women going through such a trying time together couldn't help but form a strong bond amongst each other. I was sure that  I could handle the Stud being gone for so many hours, as long as I had these intimate friends to go through the process with.

Well. With so many tours and interviews, I failed to notice that one school didn't mention any such club. A few months later, we were attending that same school. When I realized there was no organized SO club I was highly disappointed, but determined to still make my bosom friends.

I put the Stud to work, finding other studs with SOs. I got phone numbers and e-mails. I looked through the Stud's class Facebook page for students with SOs. (creepy, I know) I hosted an ice cream social at my home, and a lot of SOs came! It was there that I learned every single med couple had kids.

Again, at first I was disappointed. In my experience, couples with babies don't normally associate with couples without babies. (Or maybe couples without babies don't normally associate with couples with babies. Either way, it happens.) But, I was still determined. I invited some of the SOs and their kids over for lunch. Twice. All of my hosting allowed the other moms to meet each other, talk about babies, and plan play dates. 

And that was the end of it. For me, at least. Now, whenever there is a big event and everyone gets together, the wife-moms always spend the whole time talking about recent mom-kid get-togethers. I spent some time being jealous, some time being sad, and now I am spending some time being happy for the wife-moms - it really is wonderful that they have found their medwife bosom friends. I guess it's just not for me.

Is anyone else out there the only medwife non-mom? Do you feel included? How do you handle this situation?