Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Fear

There are a lot of emotions mixed up with a husband starting medical school. Excitement, relief, anticipation, pride... I think the one emotion that trumps all the others, though, for me, is fear.

What am I afraid of?

I'm afraid of lonely nights.
I'm afraid of missed vacations.
I'm afraid of eating dinner alone. Every night.
I'm afraid of him stressing out and shutting down.
I'm afraid of not fitting in with the other wives.

I'm afraid of other, silly things too.

Like Dr. N seeing hot ladies without clothes on during a physical. And his OB/GYN rotations. And I'm afraid of really sexy nurses that think my Dr. N is also really sexy (which he IS). And I'm afraid of Dr. N thinking I'm a sissy when I think I'm dying from a canker sore. (Right now he still thinks I'm a princess who should never have to suffer a paper cut.)

I'm afraid of lots of things.

But mostly I'm afraid of what they call, "The Physician Marriage". Where two people share a home but not a life. Where spouses go days without seeing each other, or interacting with each other. Where the homes are big, but patience is thin, and laughter is rare.

I'm mostly afraid of that.

5 comments:

~Genevieve said...

knowing you...mostly via your blog, but still, I predict a lot of laughter, love and DEFIANTLY a life!

Life of a Doctor's Wife said...

I share those fears.

But I also share some knowledge that comes with going through it before you do!

1. Medical school is better than you think. You'll eat dinner together more often than not.
2. He will see hot ladies with their clothes off, but it will be so awkward/clinical for both of them, it will not be remotely sexual.
3. He will probably be very grossed out by OB/Gyn (unless that is his chosen field), but either way, it will be totally unsexual.
4. Nurses are no different from hot secretaries or hot CEOs or other hot coworkers. (Unfortunately.) If you have a strong marriage, you will be fine.
5. He will probably think you are a sissy. But he will have some authority backing him up when he tells you you're fine.
6. You will always be his princess.
7. You can make sure that you share a life. You and your husband can make a commitment to ensure that your marriage comes first. (My dad's a doctor and he and my mom have been married for 37 happy years.)

Sorry for the longest comment ever. :-)

Mrs. Doctor Jackson said...

i am also very afraid of sexy nurses! and everything else that you mentioned, but especially the nurses. i'm not worried about Hubs, i just don't want any other women looking at him the way only i am supposed to. you know??

Ams said...

*Hugs*
I just popped into your blog for the first time and LOVE your honesty.
I fear ALL of those things too and just love love love that you put it all out there.

K said...

I'm here to tell you that your worrying is on the dot as far as it being common. But I'm also here to tell you not to worry a.single.bit, and to share the recent breakthrough I've had after a year of living with my new husband (a third year).

1st and 2nd years are literally a breeze, with the most normal hours they are ever going to have unless they get a lifestyle specialty as an attending (which happens a lot these days). Some people in my hubby's class have said it is easier than undergrad because it is not as stressful as getting into medical school.

My best friend remarked the same thing about seeing other womans vajay-jays in OB. My husband laughed because as Mrs. D says, it's so unsexual. And I'd like to add -- most of those women are not hot, they are fat/ugly/on welfare or old or all of the above (seriously) so you're wasting your time worrying. hey might be better looking if your hubby rotates in a private hospital in the suburbs. If that is the case, however, students notoriously get less hands-on experience there due to demanding, consumer-oriented care. People in inner city hospitals rarely even distinguish between pharm techs and drs, so med students get to do more.

Furthermore, your husband respects you. He doesn't respect the random skanky women out there who may catch his eye the same way they catch yours (for being distinctive, not necessarily sexy). The other thing is, nurses often treat medical students like cr@p. Think about it: nurses do a lot of dirty work and are barked at by untouchable attendings. They have to take out their frustration on *someone.* Same thing with secretaries: they are often old, cold hags on power trips. I'm super nice to every secretary my husband will deal with because I know horror stories of how they can mess with your life.

Don't worry about hot nurses, worry about hot interns who are on the ball and know what your husband goes through (true story for me, there is no more statistical liklihood implied here).

I also realize that I blow the hot interns out of the water because a) weare actually MARRIED; b) i don't really think your husband is capable of philandering; and c) those interns don't have the amount of time or at least energy as I do to put on makeup, go to the salon, buy clothes and go to the gym.

I tend to be a candid person, so sorry if this came off as harsh but I'm quite happy to chat more with you over email where I can also give you a link to my blog.

K
coolukgurl20@hotmail.com